Baby Thoughts And Baby Comments

I'm very happy to report that the baby nursery should be mostly put together this weekend! Finally, huh? I know we've waited a while (since we're less than 2 weeks away) but I've been holding out hope for a house (which just isn't possible now... thanks to KOSY firing me... but enough about that!)

We had the carpets cleaned today, cleared out the remaining furniture in my music room and it'll now be a music room/nursery. A Musery perhaps?.... Or how about a Nursic room? Something like that. We're putting together the crib and changing-table on Friday and hopefully picking up the rest of the last-minute things this weekend. I'm hoping it'll all goes as smoothly as it is in my head (no laughing please...) Stay tuned for pics! I guess we're 'nesting' but I've never liked that term. How come when we women prepare for the arrival of our new family member we're 'nesting'.... as though under the trance of an uncontrollable force? But men are just building cribs or 'getting ready?' I don't get it.

Anyway...

I went to dinner with a girlfriend a night ago. She just had a beautiful baby boy 3 months ago. I don't know if you have kids, but while pregnant, I find I pay EXTREME attention to things parents say about being parents. I don't know... I suppose I'm hoping for reassurance that I'm doing the right thing.

Imagine my delight when I said “So, do you love it?” Her eyes immediately well up with tears, “Oh my gosh... it sounds so cliché, but I don't even know how I lived without this much love in my heart. He's the most amazing thing. I just... I just look at him and sometimes want to cry just because I don't know how I got so lucky. I'm so lucky... he's so amazing.” Ahhh... now THAT'S what an expectant mom wants to hear.

“Your life's gonna change!” NOT what an expectant mom wants to hear. Though I know it's remarkably true, that's not what we want to hear, and certainly not with that tone of voice that the changing is for the worse.

“There's nothing like walking in the door and hearing little voices shout Mommy or Daddy. There's nothing like that!” Yes.... good comment.

“Get your sleep in now!” Negative and not a good comment.

“They're all that matter. Your children are really all that matter when you get to the end of this life. It doesn't matter how much stuff you had... your kids and family. That's what matters.” See how nice that is?

“What about all the trips you like to take?!?!” Mmm.... good point, but NOT a good comment.

“Ahh... You'll LOVE it!! You'll LOVE it!!! They just tickle you pink ALL the time!” Very good comment.

It was the same when I announced I was pregnant. The comments ran the gamut from “CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!” in shrieks, squeals, and giggles – which I liked. To “Oh good, now you're going to be fat!” WHAT?!? Who says that?!

Or what about “Why didn't you tell me last week?” Umm... thanks for your excitement.

A much better option: “It's the best thing I ever did. Of all the things in my life I regretted, my kids were always the ONE thing I felt really good about and never doubted.” Nice one!

So, I've been surprised at the responses.

I know that kids are a challenge. We're certainly not naive enough to think it'll always be a walk in the park. But I've learned something: When someone is sharing news that is exciting to them, be excited FOR them. It makes you much more fun to talk to and it's much more meaningful to hear.

Whether it's a new marriage, a new job or a new life... certainly we can all come up with SOMETHING positive to say...
Can't we?... please?...
Sometimes we need a little reassurance.