My First Mother's Day

Having never been a mother, I’ve never really thought about Mother’s Day – other than what to get my own mom and how late our gift to Mark’s mom is going to be.

So I was quite taken aback to see this little smiling face sitting on the kitchen table. Mark isn’t much for gift-giving occasions normally, so this was out of character for him. But there on the table was a little smiling face.

We had read that our baby was about the size of a lemon (back in May). Mark bought a lemon to show the size and drew a cute little face on it. Then he got me the fish oil pills I’m supposed to take (for brain development) and a sweet card.

Keep in mind, Mark LOVES to buy cards that will allow him to cross out what’s printed and write in his own words – opting instead for the cuter picture. Part of his charm…

So I read my little card, saw my little lemon and the fish pills that I was out of and was thrilled. Such a small gesture, but so sweet. So thoughtful… so sweet. I was delighted. My first Mother’s Day gift!

At that moment, I decided to quite voicing my concerns out loud. Up until then I had worried out loud about being droopy and saggy after the baby. Stressed about stretch marks, veins, and larger feet. And I worried that perhaps I was sounding more negative than I felt – because I was really quite excited. And clearly, so was my sweet Mark.

So, I haven’t said another word about the unpleasant physical changes. Yes, I still have those nagging worries, but now when Mark and I are together, we talk about how tall our little girl will be, how longs her arms will be, and harass her while she’s in my belly. (I like to poke around and feel for her!)

(I still have my lemon… though now she looks more like a senior citizen lemon than a newborn!)

The Early Months

Being pregnant is a strange thing.

Mark and I have been married for 8 years so we’d certainly waited long enough. I’m sure the folks and in-laws were wondering what the deal was. We felt ready and we wanted a baby.

Then it happens. And, at least for me, you find yourself thinking… ‘Are we sure?’ ‘Is this really what we wanted?’

I did what most gals do and I waited through the first trimester before we told any non-family members. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like ‘keeping a secret.’ It strangely felt like I was hiding something bad – when really it was great news.

Then I went through a phase where I was just sure every parent out there had formed a secret union and they tried to ‘lure’ unsuspecting childless-folks-with-freedom over to the ‘dark’ side. Isn’t that awful? I just had these pseudo-panic attacks that our lives would essentially be over. I’d lose my friends, not be able to do shows ever again and we’d be broke. (And granted, a lot of that may happen, but at least the anxiety has passed.)

Finally, I started telling people. As I watched faces light up with the news, heard squeals, clasped hands, shrieks and hugs I started to feel much more at ease. I liked being able to tell people!! It finally felt more real, and I might even hang on to a friend or two!

I’ve been told and I’ve read that all these feelings are very normal for expecting parents. Even parents who’ve tried for years and years will go through phases of anxiety, moments of regret and general uneasiness.

Today and for months now, I’ve been pretty happy about the whole thing. I’m lucky that I’ve felt great; Lucky that Mark is excited; and lucky that my little girl will already have little girl cousins her same age. But mostly I’m lucky that I have lots of family around to help me while I figure this stuff out.

Pregnancy Test

It’s a really strange feeling.

I looked at the pregnancy test and was staring squarely at a blue cross. I’m pregnant? I said to no one but myself. I was home alone with Ginger. She was milling around entertaining herself while I opened boxes, read instructions, and prepared for the test – which required careful timing to 5 seconds.

Just as I began, Ginger was interested what was going on. So that in 5 seconds she came in to lick my face. Bad timing, bad dog! It instantly turned into a blue cross. I thought I’d have to wait but nope… there it was.

It’s a strange feeling.

It says you’re pregnant but you feel normal. You feel like everything is the same. Ginger and I walked down to get the mail. I kept repeating… I’m pregnant?, I’m pregnant.? It felt exciting and scary and wonderful and terrifying.

I wasn’t sure how to tell Mark. I knew he’d be excited but he was at work and I had to go to bed. Should I call him? That seems stupid. I thought about leaving the test out for him to find, but I wanted to see his reaction. I could leave a note… same problem. I hid all evidence of the test and went to bed.

I couldn’t sleep.

Should I stay awake and tell him? Could it be a fluke? Could Ginger have ruined anything with her 5 second interest in me? I wasn’t sure.

Yes, taking a pregnancy test by yourself is a strange thing.

Baby Central!

So… I’m 3 months away. I’m sure, by now, most expectant moms have started on their nursery, figured out a name and registered LONG ago.

Not me. So, welcome to the chaos of this soon-to-be-first-time-mom. Our place is too small. Hence, the nursery is FAR from reality. Mark and I have been calling our baby by a nickname and now we’re sort of attached to it… problem is: The name is ugly. But other names don’t sound right. And we haven’t even thought about registering yet. How do I know what I need anyway?…. strange.

I hope you’ll stop by regularly. I’ll share everything (well, mostly everything) with you. Including: How I found out I was pregnant; my early worries and concerns; when I decided to stop worrying (out loud anyway); venturing into elastic waistband pants; my first baby gift; planning the shower and hopefully right up until I have pictures of a new nursery to show (keep your fingers crossed)

This is Baby Central!!